Initial contact has been made. Candidates are lining up. Now it's time to sort through who shall embark with me on this DATING QUEST (copyright pending).
I am maintaining quite a few conversations via constant messaging, which, at this point, has become kind of tiring. I no longer enjoy opening up my account and seeing the notifications button alerting me to my potential beaus, because that means I have to answer them. Where my first few messages were lovely long paragraphs with lots of detail, wit, and sass, I've reverted to one-line responses that do nothing but strictly answer whatever question they ask.
"So, Marie, do you have any hobbies?"
And they're always online. Like, all of them. One thing I do not like about OKC is that it tattles on you. If they're online, they can see that I'm online. Which means that I either have to abruptly sign off and hope they didn't notice my brief appearance, or I have to answer their stupid messages.
"how was your weekend???"
My God, go outside for once. Maybe if you went out and experienced what the world has to offer you wouldn't be on a free dating site that I have to jump on and then quickly sign off of every three hours because you're still online.
So, if you'll excuse me, losers, I have curtains to draw and a blog to write.
I also learned an interesting fun fact about online dating. Approximately 30% of the men, once asking if you want to meet for a drink, or if they can call you some time, will then abruptly end contact.
Wait, what? Is this a guy thing that's just going over my head? Did I ruin the chase? Did I come on too strong by accepting their request? Was I just another forgettable notch in their message log?
For a few days I just kept my laptop shut and watched "He's Just Not That Into You" on repeat trying to decipher their hidden code, but I gave up, and stopped caring, mostly because I couldn't handle that much Scar-Jo in one week.
I do wonder, am I supposed to follow up on these? Maybe a, "hey, you never texted?" message with some kind of frowning/winking flirtatiously disappointed emoticon?
How about bite me.
Of the ones that asked for my number and actually followed up on it, I have accepted dates with FOUR CONTENDERS, to be enacted ASAP.
Apparently the closer to the weekend, the most willing men are to make a move. Noted.
For these purposes, per the feminine usual, eligible males will be differentiated by their most striking physical feature.
CONTENDER #1: Good Personality Guy.
I'm not saying he's ugly, I'm just saying if I were walking toward him down the street I'd probably be more attracted to the sidewalk. However, he blew through this process with surprising zeal by actually reading my profile, and responding to it in an interesting and engaging manner that contained no incorrect use of the word "your."
Good Personality Guy made initial contact by noting that he, too, enjoyed my favorite obscure British fantasy writer. Not only had he read my favorite obscure British book, he had read other books. Long ones, with chapters.
Good Personality Guy, a few informative and surprisingly enjoyable messages later, has invited me to meet him for sushi this Friday. I accepted for these reasons:
1) I. love. sushi.
2) Sushi is expensive, so I like it when other people pay for it.
3) It was a surprisingly bold maneuver on his part, and I can appreciate that.
4) I want to continue a conversation, in person, with one of the few people that can accurately reference books I enjoy.
5) It's recommended to eat fish weekly for good health.
So while I honestly think Good Personality Guy and I would be better suited to wear hoodies and high-five each other during all-night video game tournaments versus staring into each others' eyes under the Eiffel Tower, I'm going to give it a shot. Part of this process is to meet new people, after all.
This is, yes, some version of throwing him under the bus. He's going to be my... dating training wheels.
I may apologize for this later but I think I'll wait and see how the date goes first.
CONTENDER #2: 60's Band Hair Guy
60's Band Hair Guy and I have the odd situation of knowing each other previously. He frequented a bar I worked at for a short time, and we chatted when things were slow. He is interesting in that quiet, "I've seen the world but it's all so senseless" way that I absolutely know I will find annoying after three or four dates, but right now I still find fascinating.
60's Band Hair Guy, once realizing that we had a few conversations two years ago, and had both found each other attractive and "nice," was quick to ask for my number and contact me via text.
No, he does not use the correct forms of "your," but he uses a big word now and then, so I can pretend it doesn't bother me. Plus, he's got 60's band hair. I love 60's band hair.
And also, he really was "nice." And he tipped 20%.
He asked if we could hang out, and I said yes. Then BHG dropped it.
He has no car.
Okay. Generally, at this point in my life, I'd consider this a deal breaker. I'm mid-to-late twenties, for God's sake. Half the guys my age messaging me are bragging about the house they just bought, and this guy bikes the city.
But... right now my front bumper is held on with silver duct tape. Let the girl whose car only starts once every third attempt not cast judgment.
Poor BHG was seriously relieved that I didn't immediately shout "OUT WITH THEE" and pelt him with stones, as I get the impression other OKC ladies were more prone to do over this unfortunate bit of information. He offered to come make me dinner on Sunday, but, while I would really be interested to see how he manages to cart a load of groceries to my house without a vehicle, I'm not letting strangers come into my house... even to make me food.
Plus, I'd have to clean.