I'll skip over all the dramatics of my recent breakup/get back together/break up repeat situation - some of that is on my Awkward Girl Life blog, if you're interested.
I'm here now. Herro.
What is comes down to is, MeMe worried that if she sits around and feels sad too long, she's going to close up entirely. Let's review my history, where I tend to go literal YEARS in between relationships and sexual encounters (I already regret using that term and I apologize), and then every time I try to get into something new, it's like starting from scratch.
It was hard for me to work on getting my walls down and get out of Single Mode, and I feel like I made progress. I want to keep that momentum going as best I can, rather than retreat inward like I tend to do when hurt. I'm one heartache away from turning into Clint Eastwood in every movie he has made since turning 106.
Okay, done. Dealing with that on the side. Point being, I made the decision (I will potentially rapidly regret) to bounce back out there and see what happens.
Locked in a couple dates for the weekend. Can't say I hated the attention and compliments, how I do. Mama needs a little ego-boost and validation.
One of the guys I matched with I instantly recognized as someone I had spoken with before. Ah, the dangers of online dating in a small town.
He remembered me too, but thought it had been a few years since we had chatted. We skipped a few steps, seeing how we have this long history, and went right on to texting, and met for a beer.
So, according to this guy, we talked back in 2013. But not only talked, we texted. And emailed. This, it seemed to me, was a relatively serious level of online relationship chatting. It was strange we hadn't met.
I was watching him tell me this, and thinking that he did seem pretty familiar. How much of that was looking at his pics, and how much of that was....
Okay. Okay. Okay. Had I gone out with this guy before?
I ran through the extensive catalog in my head of men I had gone out with, refusing to pause and take any time to acknowledge just how extensive this catalog was becoming...
I couldn't see him in there. But then again, I drink a lot. My memory isn't great.
Uhhhhh I wanna say Steve? Oh, Claire? Sorry, girl. My bad.
Hold the phone: was I on a second first date? Jesus Christ. Was this what my life was coming to?
Have I officially made the rounds and started over?
If you need me, I'll be crying on my porch swing and yelling at kids to get off my lawn.